walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
