I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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