why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
