I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize