She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize