These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
