"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
