Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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