found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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