susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
