We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Panties = found
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
