If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
