I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
