Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
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