i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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