Even water is tasting like jack daniels
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
