Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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