I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Vodka?
Forever.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
