There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
