Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
