If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
