I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Randomize
