JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Randomize
