my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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