Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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