If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
try to milk me bitch
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