dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
