Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
