i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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