True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
