I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize