Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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