I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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