You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
