New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
