It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Randomize
