Ok let me ask a question, does aderall make women less apt to have sex?
Cause it just destroys penises
Was that inappropriate? I can't gauge these things anymore
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
