you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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