I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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