I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
