didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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