How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
