this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Everything about him screamed your future.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
