I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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