I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize