If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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