Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
