guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
