If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
