I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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