you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
