I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
