who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
