Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
