My sheets look like a crime scene.
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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