His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
