so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
