Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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