Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
it's like iHOP with fire
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
