There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
