she looked like the before picture.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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