I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
