just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
