there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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