I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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