just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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