never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
