I'm going to jail i love you
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
